


How Cliché

by Chole



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Vampire, M/M, Vampire Harry, Vampire Niall, Vampires, and Gerard Butler in leather pants, reference to 300
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-12 01:49:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7079650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chole/pseuds/Chole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vampires that are constantly trying to adapt to ever changing modern culture.<br/>Niall likes to read soppy romance novels and then watch the movies and weep, he also likes to curse in Shakespearian and when he's really angry talks in old Gaelic.<br/>Harry is a secret blogger, gets angry at historical innaccuracies and has a strong love for antique *ancient* furniture.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Cliché

**Author's Note:**

> So I saw a post on tumblr which had vampire AUs and I should be revising so I thought 'hey why don't I write some vampire!narry?!' 
> 
> I live for kudos and comments so help a friend out and leave your opinions, feelings, how your day has been, anything :)

_‘A vampire is a being from folklore who subsists by feeding on the life essence (generally in the form of blood) of living creatures.Undead beings, vampires often visited loved ones and caused mischief or deaths in the neighbourhoods they inhabited when they were alive. They wore shrouds and were often described as bloated and of ruddy or dark countenance, markedly different from today's gaunt, pale vampire which dates from the early 19th century.’_

 

“Bloated!? Niall do you think I look bloated?” Harrys offended tone carried clearly through the house to Niall who was sat down in the library calmly re-reading a emotional romance novel, trying really hard to not let it reduce him to tears this time.

In the last decade or so Harry had become fascinated with vampires, or the modern perception of vampires. Being one did not seem to be enough anymore so he had taken to reading all the awful young adult books, watching cringe worthy tv shows and browsing the internet in search of any weird websites that claim to host real vampires, those tended to just be really weird humans that drank blood; that was an area that even Harry felt uncomfortable with and he had lived through supernatural hunts, plagues and wars.

“What kind of stupid fucking question is that.” Niall rolled his eyes so hard he thought Harry might have heard them. Not expecting an answer and too absorbed in his book, when he felt his arm chair spin around he let out a yelp of surprise and a few choice curse words. Upon meeting green eyes, Niall quickly calmed, part of him thinking about if he had a pulse how high it might be.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I didn’t realise you were serious.” Attempting to shift away to put his book down, Nialls gaze drifted from Harry to the antique pine table that was from the Library of Alexandria or St Peters Basilica, neither could remember but both agreed that it was defiantly one of the two.

“Deadly.” Without missing a beat Harry caught the blonds chin between his thumb and fore finger to bring their eyes back in line. Then realising what had been said they both burst into loud fits of laughter.

“Oh god it never gets old.” Niall wheezed out which made Harry laugh even harder as he tried to respond.

“Neither do we!” Both men were cackling at this point, Harry sat on his bum, face scrunched up, mouth wide open. And Niall doubled over, clutching his stomach, silently shaking as the laughter rippled through him. It took 20 minutes and the refusal to make eye contact for the two vampires to calm down enough to actually get a full sentence out.

“Seriously though Niall, I teach these kids whatever is in the spec and it is all so wrong, like as wrong as the perception of us is. How can humans get something as simple as writing down what happened at a certain point so wrong?” It was not the first time that this conversation had occurred, in fact it was such a common topic that Niall was able to predict what Harry was about to say next and actually mumble the lines at the same speed and tone as his partner.

 

**~~~~**

 

It had been a few days since Harrys last outbreak of ‘Oh my god how are humans so stupid’ and the two men were sat on their authentic Persian sofa, complete with gold trimming and intricate carvings, watching Gerard Butler in _300_ playing Leonidas, King of Sparta. Niall knew that Harry was bound to find something ‘historically inaccurate’ but he thought that was obvious, it was a Hollywood movie so they were going to change it so it actually appealed to people and made money. Not even bothering to add the argument that there were not actual sources left from that time Niall usually just nods along to the green eyed vampires moaning and every now and again voicing his own opinion. The only reason Niall was putting himself through the pain of waiting for Harry to complain was because Gerard Butler in a cloak and leather pants was worth everything and anything, something that both vampires actually agreed on.

“ _Rumour has it that the Athenians have already turned you down and if those philosophers and boy lovers-_ “

“Okay I’m pausing it Niall, sigh all you want because this pisses me off every time. Why does he use ‘boy lovers’ as an insult? They’re in Sparta correct?” There was silence as Harry waited for Niall to answer him.

“Correct.” Niall said with a sigh.

“And everyone knows that Sparta was actually a very homoerotic state right?” Another pause.

“Well I mean I don’t think everyone knows that, like Beth down the street, the one that always touches your butt, she probably doesn’t know.” Niall knew what he was doing but at this point he just wanted to watch Gerard Butler get all sweaty and hot without Harry interrupting with something that really wouldn’t be relevant.

“Sidetracking Niall you know how I feel about that. So anyway, Spartans were literally raised in a state where it was normal to have relations with men and shameful to be seen with women. So why does Leonidas suggest that homosexuality is something to be frowned upon.”

“Because my dear Harold.” Niall paused to put emphasis on the nickname that he knew Harry found irritating and then continued.

“It is highly probable that Zach Snyder or whoever was the script writer has used their stupid attitudes towards homosexuality to make it relatable to modern audiences. Gay is used as a way of shaming people, even if they’re not. So basically Gerard says ‘boy lovers’ to highlight the fact that there is unrest between the two cities. But yeah it’s homophobic and historically inaccurate. But it’s also super CGI’d so I don’t know why you’re getting upset over it, if you wanted to hear an accurate account of Thermopalye then go speak to Bion, he was there for fucks sake!” There was a moment of silence as both Niall and Harry processed what had just happened.

“Well I didn’t realise you felt so strongly about it Niall.” Harry joked as a feeble attempt at dispelling the tension that had built up during Nialls monologue.

“Oh shut up you clay-brained clotpole!” Elizabethan insults weren’t something Niall used often but there were occasions when he was really annoyed in which they would be the only way of relaying just what he was thinking, and that indicated to Harry just how pissed off his partner was. There were times when they would both slip into different languages or dialects just because there was no way of accurately communicating how they felt in modern language, Harry would quite regularly resort to Latin as that was the tongue he spent most of the 1st century A.D speaking and studying. Niall on the other hand liked to use Shakespearian curse words and old Gaelic as he felt it kept him connected to his homeland.

It was 4 minutes and 37 seconds before the silence was broken, Niall knew because he could hear the clock ticking up in the master bedroom. There was no part of him that regretted what was said, sometimes it took being blunt to draw Harry out of his head and into the ‘real world’. The telly was frozen on the Persian advocate, fear clear in his eyes at facing the anger of the great Leonidas, Bion had told them once about how the king was not as fearless as modern scholars and media seem to perceive. He spoke about how Leonidas wept as he walked away from his niece wife and their son who was barely old enough to really understand what was to happen to his father. There was also the story of how the Spartans invented sarcasm, something that both Harry and Niall were eternally grateful for.

It was Harry who broke the tension, with an apology.

“I’m sorry too, I probably could have worded that a bit better.” Nialls cheeks showed a slight trace of pink which left Harry wondering how vampires were able to blush, or if it was just Niall that was able to look so beautiful whilst being undead. Nothing more needed to be said on the situation, Harry knew that he was getting trapped in his own thoughts and was secretly grateful to Niall for pulling him out and Niall knew that it wasn’t going to be the last time this sort of thing happened.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hey  
> cuddlingwithhaz..tumblr.com :)


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